Ahogadalajara

I have done many bad things to my body (especially to my feet). I mean, we all have at one point. I have put my poor bladder under extreme stress when refusing to use a public restroom and waiting until I got home. I have already mentioned the torture methods i subject my feet to with my shoes. I have passed the threshold of hunger, turning into nausea and in return making my stomach so upset I couldn't eat for two days. I have pushed my legs on the treadmill far more times than I can count, I have tried to belly dance to exhaustion,making my back hate me for days, etc. . . but today I hit a new low.

I had once again crossed that threshold where hunger becomes nausea, but I hate letting my psyche dictate what my body should do and I know my psyche is saying: ''If you eat, you are gonna puke!'' whereas my stomach is saying: ''Um, we haven't eaten since last night, a little lunch would be nice????'' (i never eat breakfast), so i decided to let my carnal needs take over my mind and got a carne asada burrito at this Mexican place i had never been to before called ahogadalajara; which i think is a hybrid of "tortas ahogadas" and "Guadalajara." Ahogadalajara, get it?

Anyway, there I go, skipping my way to the joint and I must say, it was a pretty nice place. There was all these Mexicans decorations and the people were nice and the menu, ohmygod, the menu. . . so i get the damn burrito, skip my way back to work, open the Styrofoam container and I encounter the atrocity above!!! O.K., I'm not a real Mexican so you give me a tortilla with carne asada inside and that's a burrito to me. But i had never seen a burrito of that texture; the rice was a different color, a little too mushy as well; the carne asada was hard to chew; I couldn't taste the cheese; and I'm sorry, where are the beans I was promised? I swallowed hard and said to my stomach: ''Stomach, you wanted this so damnit you are gonna eat it all! That was $7 I could have used on something else.'' I take the first bite and lets just say I would rather eat a dollar burger from McDonald's or any other fast food place than eat that again.

You know that episode on Seinfeld when George's girlfriend keeps going to the bathroom after eating and Jerry thinks she could be throwing up the food? Remember the first thing George said? he wasn't concerned about his girlfriend's well-being, he was more concerned with the fact that he was paying for food that was going to the toilet! Man I've never agreed with George more! I had two options: I could throw away the food and either get something else or not eat at all, rendering my 7 bucks a waste; or I could eat it and risk puking, but hey maybe i wouldn't puke! Then at least i wouldn't lose the 7 bucks. Well, I went with the latter and even though I felt like puking i didn't. I felt so victorious over that burrito! It had been looking at me taunting me with those greasy eyes saying: ''That's 7 bucks you will never see again.'' But no sir, nope, I ate that mofo like there was no tomorrow. Victory!