It's been so long since I've wanted this. . .

I remember my first kiss. Actually, I don't. It was either this cute black guy or the half-Mexican half-Caucasian guy, but that's besides the point. I haven't wanted to kiss somebody in so long. I made a vow to myself, well, sort of vow, that I wouldn't kiss anybody I didn't really really wanted to kiss. One time, I was going out with this guy and at the end of the date, I realized I didn't feel like kissing him. And it was not him, he was a cute, nice guy. It was me, I didn't feel that. . . that. . . je ne sais quoi. But I kissed him nevertheless, even though I really didn't want to. He was there and so was I, he had a set of lips and so did I. It felt like kissing a friend you really are not attracted too. I stopped seeing him after that.

I felt upset with myself for kissing somebody I didn't really want to kiss. So since that moment, I promised myself I would not lock lips with anybody I didn't want to and it's been so long since I wanted to do that. Of all the guys I've gone out with in the past year, not one has made me feel that huge attraction that makes you lose your rationale.

I'm not looking for love. For all I know, being in love is not exactly a good thing. I don't want to love. I'm missing the love gene, maybe one day I'll find it. I've never loved and I really don't want to anytime soon. I want to feel that long lost magnetism again. I want to meet a guy that will make me incapable of looking at him without staring at his lips with longing. Somebody that will make me want to taste him, not just kiss, but taste him. Where has that wild physical attraction gone? The last guy I went out with ended up being a hardcore republican who seemed to think the Bush administration was some kind of Narnia. No attraction there.

I don't want somebody to cuddle with. I don't want somebody to hold my hand. I want someone to make me want to forgo all my prudency, cautiousness, and modesty. Someone who will make me want to bite him. Oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've wanted to bite someone while kissing. The couple of guys I've been attracted to lately seem to have this baggage thing called marriage. . . sigh. For now, the only male I want to attack with kisses is my adorable dog, Oreo, and soon, maybe a hamster will join that list!