I wish I could

I wish I could. . . tell my mom. . . that she's making her daughter feel like a fat cow. . . which would be fine . . . if I was a fat cow.

I wish I could. . . tell her that I know she's doing it out of love, but all I can think of is: "120 pounds. . . is it that bad? Will I be better at 110?"

I wish I could. . . tell my boss we are not stupid, the preferential treatment towards her sister is so evident. . . and it's insulting that she thinks we don't see it.

I wish I could. . . also ask her is her breasts are real.

I wish I could. . . come up with a better story for the scar under my collarbone.

I wish I could. . . ask Anderson Cooper once and for all if he's gay. . . so I can stop picturing us together already.

I wish I could. . . meet Bill Maher, tease and flirt with him unceasingly and make him crazy about me only so he can feel guilty for liking someone whose beliefs he despises. . . then he'll know how I feel.

I wish I could. . . ask my dog if he's happy.

I wish I could. . . tell a taxi driver to "follow that car!"

I wish I could. . . be closer to God.

I wish I could. . . tell Al Gore "thank you."

I wish I could. . . have developed feelings for that guy whose heart he claims I broke.

I wish I could. . . have feelings period. . . sometimes.

I wish I could. . . go back in time and not crash into that boat.

I wish I could. . . come up with a genius idea and get rich off of it.

I wish I could. . . buy my parents a home so they don't have to work another day in their lives.

I wish I could. . . pay my sister's tuition.

I wish I could. . . have a mini pig.

I wish I could. . . have a black great dane.

I wish I could. . . remember how to tie a tie.

I wish I could. . . have all of my brother's dress shirts.

I wish I could. . . have the balls to take one, maybe he won't notice.

I wish I could. . . tell Richard Roeper nobody will lust after him the way I do.

I wish I could. . . make Paris Hilton dissapear.

O.K., time to stop wishing!

Cheerio! :)